ONE OF THE QUESTIONS that arises in the mind of a person
when he or she first encounters a lama or a shrine room is 'What do I do? How
do I act?' Detailed answers are not always evident or accessible, but a basic
rule of thumb in dealing with religious personages, places or situations can be
stated in one word: respect.
The Lama
A lama who is a Rinpoche (Tib: "precious one")
is one who has achieved, by years of study and practice, a high degree of
spiritual awareness and attainment. A Rinpoche has frequently gone through
extensive training, even in worldly terms, and he has devoted his life to
bringing out the highest spiritual potentials in everyone that he contacts, as
well as in himself. His compassion extends to all beings, and he selflessly
strives to be a purified vessel of the enlightened attitude, and gives of
himself to others without hesitation. He is truly a holy person, and for this
reason he deserves not only respect, but great consideration.
If the Rinpoche is also a Tulku (Tib:
"nirmanakaya"), he is considered an incarnation of a highly evolved
individual or bodhisattva, who has been practicing such compassion and
selflessness for many lifetimes, to the point that he has deliberately
forestalled his own complete liberation in order to return to the realm of
suffering and help free others. Anyone who has had experience with the
Rinpoches can verify that extraordinary qualities of generosity, compassion and
wisdom are unfailingly manifested by them, each in their own unique ways. And
in addition, they are repositories of truth, of Dharma. They are due every
courtesy that can be extended to them.
Proper respect towards a lama is shown in a simple way.
To greet him traditionally, according to the custom of Tibet, one would offer a
white silk scarf (Tib: "kata"). If the lama is a high Rinpoche, and
especially one's own teacher, it is customary traditionally to prostrate three
times upon arriving and once when leaving, if it is a formal situation. In the
West, people are not always comfortable with such demonstrations, particularly
if they are not Buddhists, and if this is the case, one may show respect in a
natural way, perhaps with a short, Japanese-style bow with hands folded, or
with an American-style handshake. The important thing is to acknowledge the
lama as one would acknowledge any dignitary or religious personage, in an
appropriate way.
When addressing a Rinpoche, he is called
"Rinpoche," as when speaking of him one refers to him by his name as
well as his title, for example, "Kalu Rinpoche." Very high Tulkus,
such as His Holiness Karmapa or His Holiness the Dalai Lama, one would address
as "Your Holiness."
If a student is requesting a teaching of some sort, an
empowerment or an interview, it is appropriate and customary to bring an
offering. Flowers, incense, fruit, candles are symbolic offerings made to the
purified Buddha-mind that you perceive in your teacher. Useful items are also
good offerings, and money, needless to say, is perhaps the most useful gift of
all, and it may be offered without hesitation, wrapped in paper or in an
envelope. The lamas have needs like anyone else who inhabits a physical body,
though theirs are very simple as a rule, and they are not paid for services
rendered, nor do they think about such things. Frequently offerings are
immediately turned toward benefitting others, and any offerings made are
certainly more for the benefit of the donor than the lama himself. He is a
sublime opportunity for the student to express generosity, and he is also an
unsurpassable steward, using all things he receives to assist beings.
When in the presence of a Rinpoche, defer to him in every
way possible. Stand when he enters a room--especially the shrine room. Offer
him a chair, and if it is the only chair, he should have it and others stand or
sit on the floor. If he needs assistance to stand or get around, offer it
immediately. His needs should be carefully looked after, and this sometimes
requires some insight and observation, as he may not mention his needs even
when asked. The lama, not being grasping, will most likely humbly say that he
needs nothing. It is up to you to find out, and it is crucial when you are in a
position of hosting a lama or coordinating a visit for him. He may have dietary
needs that are vital to his good health, but will not mention it because he
does not wish to trouble a host. If he or his attendants are not asked, he will
silently accept food that may be destructive to his health. He is a precious
bearer of truth, and acts selflessly, sometimes to his own physical detriment,
so it is the responsibility of his attendants and hosts to thoughtfully provide
for him, protecting him when necessary. This can range from simple things like
making sure he has ample water or tea while teaching, has adequate meals, or
that he is not over-scheduled during a visit. The lama needs time for rest and
meditation, particularly when he is advanced in age, as many are who visit the
West. He will rarely say no to a request. It is a visit-coordinator's responsibility
to see that he has time to himself and is not run ragged by lectures,
ceremonies and personal interviews. Consideration is the watchword, and the
realization that your center may be just one center in a very hectic circuit of
teaching.
An instance of the group of people, all of whom had
several opportunities to speak with a Rinpoche apart from teachings and who
still insisted on seeing him again as a group, despite the fact that he was
exhausted after receiving people steadily for five hours is an example of what
should not happen. The obligation rests not only with visit coordinators, but
on students who demand extra time, and who might well consider if their
ego-satisfaction is more important than the Rinpoche's well-being.
The Buddha, the Dharma, the Shrine Room
A shrine room is a place where space is made for a person
to contact the highest aspect of their nature. It is a place to open the
Buddha-nature that resides within, to experience that highest nature as
transmitted by a spiritually advanced teacher, and to hear the word of truth.
It is, in effect, a church, a religious shrine, and should be approached
respectfully with that in mind.
Instead of pews, the shrine room has cushions on a clean
floor. Just as one would not lounge around or socialize in a Western church,
one would not do so in a Buddhist shrine room. The acceptable posture is to sit
cross-legged on a cushion on the floor, or if that is difficult because of a
specific physical problem, it is permissible to sit in a chair in the back of
the shrine room. The cross-legged, or lotus posture, is universally used in the
East as the posture that expresses and produces the attitude of contemplation,
respect and receptivity to the truth of the teachings. Do not sit with legs
outstretched in front of you, as this is a sign of disrespect, and of course,
lying down shows great discourtesy. During a long teaching session, a puja or
sitting session it can be uncomfortable to sit, and slight posture adjustments
can be made. One gets used to sitting the more one does it, and it is part of
the spiritual practice. For students of Buddhism the ability to sit long hours
is an important thing to perfect.
Shoes should be removed and left at the door, and hats
should not be worn. Short skirts or revealing garments are not appropriate
attire. If a street-length skirt is necessary for some reason, it is wise to
bring a shawl to drape over the legs while sitting. Though celibate religious
men and women are not as common in the West as they once were, it is a way of
life and practice for many in the East, lamas included, and this should be
respected when one visits a shrine room or monastery. Conversation should be
kept to a minimum in and around the shrine room, as people often do silent
sitting and practice there.
Dharma books and puja texts do not belong on the floor,
out of respect for the truth that they contain, but on a table or cushion.
Texts should not be stepped over, stepped on or sat on. Like the written
Dharma, spoken Dharma is treated respectfully, and strictly speaking, unless
one is serving tea, or has a physical problem, one should not get up and walk
in and out of teachings and pujas. It shows lack of consideration for others,
who are distracted by it, not to mention disrespect for the lama who is
teaching. When questions begin, one may freely leave, if necessary, since at
that time the lama's formal transmission has ended.
When entering the shrine room, a Buddhist practitioner
may do three prostrations facing the shrine, or make a short bow with hands
folded. A Westerner encountering prostrations for the first time might be
puzzled, and might even feel that the practitioner is involved in an odd ritual
before idols, which is most definitely not the case. The actual meaning of the
act of prostration, at least partially, is the surrender of oneself, and all of
one's ego attachments, for the benefit of all beings. It is a reaffirmation of
the Bodhisattva Vow, a giving of one's whole being to the service of others,
and to the work of engendering the enlightened attitude.
Most of the foregoing are guidelines that could be
substantiated by consulting Amy Vanderbilt or Emily Post's rules of etiquette,
because what they embody are common courtesy and respect. In our so called
"free" society, many such attitudes of politeness have unfortunately
gone by the wayside. Courtesy that springs from the heart, a result of respect,
has since ancient times formed a part of spiritual disciplines, as well as been
operative in society. To be courteous, respectful, and polite is not a superficial
form, but can be a great practice of mindfulness and a way to develop
bodhisattva actions. It is with this attitude that one may approach the
particular kind of attention to detail that showing respect involves, be it to
a lama, in a shrine room, or in ordinary daily interactions.
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